The Shadow

*The following short story is a work of fiction. The characters, organisations, brands, and events portrayed are fictional. Any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental. This material does not reflect the author's opinions. It may depict highly unsuitable topics and language for sensitive demographics and should not be read by minors.

“Feel the feeling. Feel it in your belly.” That’s what Adam Guevara tells himself as he is about to meet with his endearing girlfriend, who has but one weakness—loving him much. Sabrina and he have been dating for six months, which is strange given that if they go to a restaurant, the Guevaras will sit vigilantly on a nearby table. Their eyes follow Adam anywhere he goes. Sabrina has been in love with Adam since primary school. She had been obsessed with him. During COVID-19, she interacts with his meagre presence on social media. They message from time to time. Sabrina asks him to go out. And he proposes the place—his parents’ living room. He sits on the couch. Holding a jar of beer that his father insisted on pouring for him. Adam smirks uncomfortably at Sabrina, knowing that his mother and sister are hiding in the corridor. Sabrina has no problem with his overwhelming relatives, for she is profoundly enamoured. He doesn’t understand why, but Sabrina kisses his blushing cheek.

The recent comments of his father are creeping into his head. The pandemic fits Mr. Guevara like a perfect ring. It is his excuse to see them 24/7 on the cameras in his house. He is one troubled man. Growing up, he was a big bully. He did many bad things to a lot of innocent people. And now, nurtured in paranoia, he deprives his children of the outside. If the 2020 lockdown is ever withdrawn, he will push them to finish their college online. But Sabrina is one of a kind, a miracle that could only occur every million years. This is the first time Adam experiences love, but he isn’t aware of his luck. He just floats through life. Adam is never happy or sad, just comfortably numb. Maybe he knows how this will end. Perhaps he notices that his family is growing jealous of his special bond with Sabrina. Adam loves her, but when it comes to pleasing his family…

His mother and sister often criticise his girlfriend when she’s not about. But his father’s words are the ones glued to his brain. “I don’t like that girl for you, she is playing you, she wants your money,” Adam is sitting on his couch, listening meekly. Now his father’s comments have become Adam’s own intrusive thoughts. His father sowed an anxiety in him, knowing that Adam is weak. He is inexorably ashamed and may never tell Sabrina what his father says about her. Nonetheless, she isn’t a moron. She knows who’s to blame; the man in the corner, the shadow who listens. The electric owls in each room of the house had successfully embittered their short relationship. And Sabrina has balls—she has the balls that God had taken away from Adam—and bought two concert tickets to see Green Day. Adam’s favourite band.

“You and me,” her perfectly aligned set of teeth flashed under the dim lights of the Guevaras’ porch, “only you and me,” he hugged her docilely, as if clutching to the dream, but the image of his father laughing wouldn’t wear off easily. Sabrina could feel the traumatised boy behind the facade of a young adult. Adam’s sense of humour and likes were childish, but he makes an effort by hiding it with beer and jerseys of the Chicago Bulls.

With the help of her folks, the couple goes to the show. But as they drive them towards the compound, the Guevaras appear in the car behind theirs. He had agreed with Sabrina’s parents to go to their house and escort the car.

“Here comes Adam… And all his family!” Sabrina’s mother jokes more frequently than her daughter would like.

Mr. Guevara tails the car to prevent ninjas, murderers, sharks, or rapists from attacking his defenseless, twenty-year-old baby. During the song ‘Letterbomb’, Sabrina swings her hips to the rhythm of the power chords. But Adam has a shameful taste in his mouth, for he pictures his mother and sister with crossed arms in his father’s car. Adam knows that his family is waiting in the parking lot until the show finalises. Her smile vanishes when she sees a tear descending from his chin. She holds his face, her palms are cold. “What’s wrong? Tell me.” Mr. Guevara is a man who polarises everything. For him, you are either a villain or part of the team. The show ends, and the couple walks to the parking lot, where they encounter the Guevaras, who had been waiting for three hours. They drive them home. It is interesting how love can be so selfish; Mr. Guevara loves his son more than the world, but that is just an excuse to keep nurturing his irrational fears at the expense of others.

Tonight, Adam is going to end it all. For him, these past months have been both heaven and hell. He met an angel, but forgot that he had a contract with the devil—after he had psychologically abused him. Under the nightly deluge, they sit on the small wooden house in the park of his housing complex, from a distance where a pair of binoculars could easily observe them from his parents’ bedchamber. Sabrina senses that something is off. And the same feeling is making him queasy. They hear the sound of raindrops landing hard on the waterproof cloth above their heads. Adam tells her that they cannot see each other anymore. The reason? He needs time to focus on his studies and find a job.

“Don’t listen to your father.”

“He has nothing to do with this.”

“I don’t believe you. I don’t believe that you met someone else.”

Adam unpockets his phone. “Want me to show you?” he says crassly.

“Don’t lie to me.” She says. He waves at her dismissively. “Adam!” She exclaims, consternated—this time it was real. “Where are you going to work? Your father will never let you find a job!” She screams hysterically. “It hurts me that you let him…” She stops. “I know that he has read our conversations on your phone! I know that he observes us in every corner of your house! He is probably observing us right now! And I don’t have a problem with that! But you need to man up! You need to fucking stand up to your father, even if you need to tell him something that he doesn’t want to hear.” Sabrina buries her face deep in her palms, disappointed. Adam doesn’t cry or hug her, he just stands there, stone-faced.

“You are my best friend,” Mr. Guevara tells his son as he fills a jar of beer to the rim. The sound of thunder captivates their attention momentarily. Adam smirks, picturing Sabrina: She is wriggling on her bed, her parents are there for her, she weeps, explaining how much she loves him.

Sabrina is becoming insomniac. During the nights, she glances at the ceiling with bloodshot eyes, wondering what Adam is doing at the moment. She knows that the satisfaction of pleasing his father would emancipate quickly, but fears that he may never be able to articulate his emotions. Her mind’s eye sees Adam in his bed, curling into a ball, being bullied by his family, left alone in the dark and ready to die. It is part of their toxic-love dynamic, an underlined hatred in every action they do as a punishment for betraying the family’s code. A passive-aggressive bit that they had perfected over time. Sabrina’s mental pandemonium gouged many questions. Will he ever regret it? Was it a mistake to have taken him to see Green Day? Why wouldn’t he choose me over his father? Does he miss my lips? Or my hips? My hands ruffling his hair? Sabrina seizes a pillow and covers her face with it. Adam had vanished from her life. Mr. Guevara had gotten what he always dreamed of, the latter hugs his family close in his living room. “We’re going to die together,” and a tear falls from Adam’s eye.