Teenage Sex Guide
This is a guide made for adolescents rather than for adults who want teenage pussy, those guys can go somewhere else. Here are the do’s and don’ts to be prepared for sex as a clumsy adolescent with other awkward adolescents…
This Beetle Goes to the Proctologist
It was Andrea’s birthday so I took her to a restaurant on the water dam’s quay at Sebastian—since it is the closest thing to an ocean. The tropical breakfast amid the freezing air enlightened our tongues—shrimps and octopus’s tentacles…
Dear Gen Z
First of all, I assure you that my observations will lack trite pejorative terms such as “The Crystal Generation” or “The Snowflakes” to prevent any censorship from the non-binary pussies, and instead, I will enlighten you with punchlines about porn addiction…
The Gooed, the Fat, and the Slutty
At the University you are sitting in your classroom, thinking about the tormenting meaning of life—especially because you are scrolling down on your phone in search of a decent sex doll on Shein…
This Beetle Is Getting Married
My fiancée, Andrea—soon Andrea de Santos—and I visited a bunch of wedding salon open houses. The first place was “The Penetrorium” and I think that all these places have pretentious names in Latin to impress idiots…
Dominique the Dog Trainer
Dominique Woofenstein is in her late twenties. She walks dogs for a living, she is a licensed dog trainer but has the body of a licensed worm trainer. Despite that, she is kind of sexy…
I Saw You Behind The Camera
“Nice necklace,” Natalie exclaimed before her delicate fingers gripped onto your clapboard charm, she noticed its back was completely rusted, “where did you get it?” She politely added…
Purple Shoes
My mother had a meditation instructor who was a vegan. Leon Villa was a teacher of… Well I never knew exactly what he did for a living…